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My foreskin was taken from me just a few days after I was born. What a brutal way to enter this world. Just like everyone else in this cruel world I have good and bad things about me that I don't really prefer to discuss, however I have realized, thanks to someone special, who is about to enter my life that I need to get these things out there.
Some good things about me include: being clean and tidy, being safe, somewhat intelligent, having a good amount of intuition, and being very paternal. Some of my bad qualities are: anger management, fear of closeness, pushing people too hard, and patience.
Being clean and tidy can go overboard and become OCD and take over much of my life. Being too safe has kept me from doing things that could have been fun and has hurt people when I didn't show up to things they invited me to. Being intelligent, I feel sometimes I know too much and it scares people away, the same goes for intuition. Being overly paternal has made me a father to many people and sometimes I don't take time for myself on top of that many times the people will not do things until I make them.
Anger problems have let people know that I am loud and in charge it has served me well many times. My fear of closeness has kept me safe and dating only people that I know will move on and do their own thing in the past. Now I have someone who I am deeply in love with who is not going to let me run away. Pushing people too hard has made them deal with things they would not have dealt with otherwise. Not having patience has made people know that when I want something I want it now.
There are many things about me that people have not even a slight clue about, but with one look in my eyes she knew everything. Soon after we met she could finish my sentences. I was mezmorized by her. How could she see into my soul that way, how does she know so much without even a word being spoken. She can feel my warm touch without me even being in the room. She avoided me and pushed me away for a very long time, I tried so hard to get in. Although I was afraid to let her get closer, because I knew she would learn so much more, I wanted her near me and could not bare to just let her go.
Finally the shell is broken and I stand here naked, scared, and alone. I am shivering from the cold. I am unsure of what to do I need guidance in the worst way. Every night I remember my past like it were happening right now. I am terrified of becoming a person like that. My life is very conflicting and many times I don't know how to feel about things because I have both sides of the same coin. I gave my coin away as a first step to a road of togetherness. I hope she holds it forever.
To become happy in my life, I need to get rid of the horrible thoughts that haunt me on a daily basis. I need to have love in my life. To be truly happy I need a warm and loving family. I would be the happiest man in the world if every morning I could wake up and see my wife, the woman that I cannot live with out, and smell her beautiful long straight dark hair and kiss her lips gently and tell her how much I love her. Then go and greet my children. I would love to be there through a pregnancy seeing the belly grow and start to move and have a chance to talk to it and rub it and nuture the one I love who is caring a part of me inside her. I want to be one of the first people who holds that amazing piece of life. Hearing the baby's tiny little voice for the first time. To be completely happy I need to deal with the many issues in my life that are happening right now so that I can move forward and grow and have a future with the people I love and care for.
The Rainy Nights
The rain drops hit the tent as we crawled up close in the sleeping bag. We were so close you took your hands across my chest and down across my stomach and even farther down. I played with your hair alot and kisses your neck until you were being way too naughty and I started playing back.
We touched so softly and you made moves as I held back, you moved in more and were persistent. I refrained until the animal in me came out and attacked you, feeling all of your flesh with my finger tips. I kissed your sweet lips and moved my mouth down across your neck and your chest, down to your belly button. It is so sweet and soft.
Still feeling you with my fingers pressing into you, getting slightly more rough, I moved my tongue down to your thigh. It tickles, so you jolt around alot and finally I go in for your sweet and tenderness. Licking, nibbling and sucking on you as you arch your back. You grab my hair wanting me to stop but yet still wanting more of me.
We both are yearning for more of each other but must wait. I move back up and touch you more with my finger tips and flick my tongue across her chest that is oh so excited. You let out a sweet moan and start to shake as do I. You pull on me more and more wanting the same thing I want. We both give it thought and continue on our exploration of each others body until we both reach a climax and fall into each others arms, holding so tightly and sweat dripping from our cold flesh.
We wait until the sun comes up over the hills and say our I love yous and hasta luegos... the smell of fire upon us as the birds chirped a happy song as if they too knew how we longed for each others touch again.
I am a wolf
Strong and true
I am the wolf
That will guide you through
I've walked through fire before
And I'm willing to do it again
For me to fail you
That's my greatest sin
Pride in the ones I love
Devotion to all they do
When you are hurting
That's my cue
I am a wolf
respecting all of you
I am the wolf
That will guide you through
